Today I should be proud of myself. I managed to close a deal(my part-time), and being the only female amongst my male colleagues, the first to close a deal in the pure cold market. I should really feel proud and everything...
However, WHY am I feeling in the dumps right at this moment?
Well... Not sure about other Cancerians out there, I guess I really have a terrible case of mood swings. Swing from all time high, to all time low now. I don't even feel like talking to my folks bout my accomplishment today. WHY?
I am still trying to figure it out. Here are some possible reasons:

- I need a break from all these work
- I need someone in my life to share all the joy and pains (not referring to my family members)
- I had this someone, but its over already. I want to move on, but I don't know what he wants.
(Huh? Well, here's the story. If only he's reading too... We broke up, still frenz. Recently, when I've decided to move on with life and try not to think so much about it, he contacted me. Reason: To come over to my place to rest while waiting for his work to start, and wondering if I'm home. Well, first impact, we've broke up, why would you want to come over to rest. What's his intentions? Even as normal friends, I don't really think you'll have such a question, right? Or is this a common practice nowadays that I'm not aware of? So now you know more or less this story. Okay, back to my reasons)

- How am I going to meet my target?
- Why is my life in such a mess?
- Why guys can be such idiots. ( A very mild term is used, but I'm very unhappy)

Argh! Why, why, why, why... Can someone tell me why? Or is there someone out there, an expert in astrological reading can give me some guidance in life.
Well, I'm a person that belives in astrology, feng shui, these kinda stuffs. Cause, they hold some truth to me. I do want to try tarot reading, but not sure how to go about doing it.
I need some signs....
Are the things that I'm doing, the actions I make, all the steps I take, are they to my bestest benefits.
Is this the right way to go? Should I do this instead. All these questions always go through my mind.
Oh man... How can I change... What do these thoughts actually indicate? Does it mean I'm not confident?

Like I said in one of my post, I care a lot about "face". I care a lot about how others see me. I always want to show that I'm good, that I'm handling things well, that I'm capable. But kinda wierd that I'm saying all these now online. Hah, thats why i say, I'm very messy.

Any suggestions? Anyone?
Oh well.... Guess I need to solve this tough life equation on my own.

I'm so tired..............